"Hair"

If I had to answer the question, "what do you dislike most about yourself" I would need about 3 seconds to answer....
Sure, like most ladies I would shrink my stomach.....make my legs longer and thinner....push my hips in some and so forth...    But when i really think about my body and what it can do............  I mean seriously...I have given birth to 4 (almost 5) babies.  And can I add....DRUG/MEDICINE/EPIDURAL FREE.  Yeah, I'll take the bit of extra that came along with that..  Because I think it's pretty amazing. :)

No, my answer would not be my jean size, bra size or my personality. (although some people may think it should be. :)

It would be my hair.  I LOATHE my hair.

But I am trying hard to love it....embrace it.....be thankful for it.  And pretty much this "trying to love my hair" began a little less than a year ago and all because of my oldest daughter.  Maggie is so simple and straightforward with her thoughts and words.  She is really good like that. :) And I love it about her.

And I love how God uses our children to make us realize things about ourselves that maybe we need to fix. Many months ago, Maggie and I were going through a book about "growing up".  The book was going over self image in this particular chapter.
It talked about how girls shouldn't compare ourselves to others  Or wish we looked different than we do.  Becasue God created us and if he wanted us short/tall/super skinny/not as skinny/brown/blonde/etc.  that is how He designd us. And to wish something different is to be unthankful for God's design.  After we finished the chapter....Maggie (my thinker/question asker)  is staring at me.  I ask what?

Maggie says, "do you think that chapter is right?  Do you agree with what it says?"

I tell her yes, that God made us all different and that is wonderful.  If we were all the same that would be so boring.  And that He knew just how he wanted us to look so we shouldn't "dislike" any of God's creations...especially ourselves.

She just stares at me again for a second and than says, "well why do you hate your hair so much?  Why do you try so hard to get it straight all the time and not just wear the hair God gave you and love it?"

Here you can imagine where the mommy has the deer in the headlights look.  And feels like she has been punched in the stomach.  I just stare back at her for a minute or two and am blown away by how insightful kids really are.  I have made an effort to not compalin about my weight/body in front of my kids because I don't want them to think that their body image in any way makes them a better/worse person.  I don't want them to worry about the size of their clothes or the number on the scale. But never once have I thought about the fact that they see me spend at least an hour a day in my bathroom with a blowdryer and flat iron trying to rid myself of the curls on my hair.....the same curls that they all have. (although not to the same extent!)

I finally speak the only words that I could say to her....."You are right Maggie."  I told her I should be happy with the hair I have and not try to change it. And from that day I have never straightened my hair again.  And let me tell you.....she has noticed. :)

But.....I say all that to say that I still do not love my hair.  Sheesh, I don't even like it.  I will say wearing it curly has given me so much more time to do what I love to do.....be with my kids......I don't miss all the time spent in the bathroom trying to get every hair stick straight....  only to sweat a little and have it curl back up!

But although I don't like my hair still....I am learned to be content with it.  It's what I was given....and I am going to keep trying to love it.  But than I have mornings like today.

Every morning I drop my kids off at school and .......well to put it bluntly I look slightly like the Professor on Back to the Future.  Maybe times 10.  You laugh but I do not joke.  I see all these other moms who don't look great or amazing.  They also have on sweats, and no makeup. But they still are able to get out of the car adn walk their kids in or get their door opened for them.  Okay.....not me.  I am in and out of that line so fast praying no one I know stops to talk.  And I never can figure out how they all look so kept so early in the morning while I look like I just rolled out of bed. (okay, truth be told I usually have just rolled out of bed when I drop my kids off)  But here is the one thing.......they all have straight hair.  Or should I say, none of them have true curly hair!  That is what makes the whole difference!  So many women will try to act as though they understand all the work/problems that come with curly hair.  They will talk about thier natural wave/curl.  And people like me....are looking at their laying flat on their head hair wondering what in the heck they are talking about. (and I will just tell you it is sooooo annoying to hear ppl who have anything less than frizzy/kinky curly hair talk about how much work their hair takes) .  If you don't have it there is no way you understand.  It controls everything about my day.
I wake up and think what I need to do and my next thought is....what am I goign to do with my hair???

So today I was back to thinking of my hair as a curse.....but I am going to keep on loving it in spite of my true feelings...  and eventually I think I will. :)